Classified: Writer who needs business plan seeking babysitter, ski instructor, and painter.

 

Notes to self on local economy meets Apollo 13 story…writers, you will like this.

imageWow, that last story is a good story…maybe good enough to pitch if I work it.  I was going to say ‘if I stick with it’ but this is a business.  What is the pitch???  Hmmm… Who am I selling it to? This is a good time business and despite the sarcastic humor the story is a little gloomy.  I think of pitching it to artist-friend’s friend who edits a regional magazine but I’m not sure a lifestyle magazine is the right place and then instinctively I smell blood…the news.  The news is full of gloom.

Newspapers…the free local indie-paper is my first thought but the greater good could come from the other more conservative syndicated paper, for what it’s worth, it’s global.  So, I pitch it to the local indie-paper dumb-ass editor and then ask, no, demand a turn down.  (If you’re not a 50-60 year old single / widowed writer or friend of one you won’t see ink there outside entertainment…sorry, I know that’s not fair to say but it’s true.) Next pitch to the syndicates or maybe the Globe??

The freelance thing is an envelope? An umbrella? An onion? No, no Shrek quote, no.  I don’t know…where to start?  I don’t know where to start.  I need an agent.  I need a goal.  I need a business plan.

My goal…as a writer…is a regular gig.  A column like the guy in ‘Marley and Me’ with the dog would be great.  I have a fish…he’s 9 years old…that’s a start.  Not a novel.  That’s not my style.  Magazine or newspaper, needs to be at least partially intellectual, not too vertical, not too main stream, you know, commercial but hip…well, hip enough to know you can’t say ‘hip’.  Damn, whatever happened to Jazz?  Is Hiphop really the new Jazz?  Better ask Speech @ Arrested Development on Twitter.  Better find Wes ‘Maestro’ Williams new book I saw on Strombo.  I regress.  Writers and artists by definition are bad businessmen.  Sorry ladies ‘business person’ just doesn’t have the balls.  Where was I?  Oh ya, a business plan.

A business plan for a writer is a contradiction of terms but a business plan is what I need.  I need an office too, but that’s another story….can’t resist…I need a roll top desk to hide all the ‘stuff’ I have neatly arranged in the corner of our tiny new bedroom, aka, our son’s old bedroom now our’s since he moved in to our room down the hall with his baby sister…one couple, 2 kids, 3 beds, 2 bedrooms, you do the math.  ‘Our room’, the new one, is still painted Lightning McQueen colors BTW.  Where was I?  Business Plan.  Do I need to paint first?

Note to self: tell wife you would love a day…full day, not a chance…tell wife you would love half a day to paint the new bedroom.

Where was I?  Oh ya, the business plan.  Should I capitalize ‘The’ and ‘Business’ and ‘Plan’?  Damn…honestly, if I could stop writing long enough to write a business plan I would be a writer already.  Insert voice in head…no thought cloud overhead with 50’s ‘Ding!’ sound…you know, like the ‘I have an idea lightbulb’…”I am a writer”.

Day off tomorrow, business plan day.  Or is it today? It was 3:10am when I wrote this now 4:51am…damn!  Business Plan.  Stop.  Breathe…right after chai tea, (insert wife goes for ‘sanity’ run and Starbucks), breakfast, diaper change, cartoons (aka ‘I watch show nummies’), swimming lessons, back home for lunch, afternoon ski if the sun is out, far too late nap time for baby, drop ski gear at my real office…just remembered I forgot to organize the storage room and forgot look back at the ‘to do’ list I wrote in the middle of the night Thursday before work Friday after catching up on ‘the pile’ of paper that has grown to the point I carry 2 bags to work…where was I? Oh ya, back home, mama takes baby, son helps me paint the bedroom after we somehow take our old dresser out of our old room – did I mention the cracked ribs? – his new room.  Note to self: need a new dresser that will fit in new, read: ‘smaller’, room.  Did I remember the paint from the storage room at work?  Dinner time, bath time, story time, fall asleep with kids…wake up at 2:00am…Business Plan. 

Laugh out loud (that laugh was just now)…I pencilled that down on paper at 3:18am…it’s now 5:02, “that’s a good story…”  I need a business plan.

Classified: Writer who needs business plan seeking babysitter, ski instructor and painter.  Position available immediately.  No pay.

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This entry was published on March 6, 2011 at 5:23 am. It’s filed under Laugh, Life, Love and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

4 thoughts on “Classified: Writer who needs business plan seeking babysitter, ski instructor, and painter.

  1. Oh PBR love the new look and this post. I am sorry to hear about your friend. Funny-I work in a place that supports entrepreneurship and we train people on how to write business plans. But. For writers? Not so much. It is more write, send x 1million, rejection x 999,999, sell for $o times 100, write more, send x 1 million, sell for $20, repeat. At least that’s what I hear. I wouldn’t know, really. Good luck-with the writing and the bedroom painting. Hard to get that color right, isn’t it? I mean, blue isn’t just blue when it is on a wall, it is electric blue, swimming pool blue, blue berry…hard to get the right blue. I do know a little bit about that, at least. Anyway. Did you check out “Bridget Callahan is your best friend” yet?

    • Taylor Jamieson on said:

      Now that’s a reality check!! So far, so true. Sometimes I think my writer friends are just like me…but then I remember I have a beautiful family and own my home and business…and I write. Maybe one day with all the expert advice I seem to have following it will happen. 😉

      Honestly though, my favorite part of the story was realising in the process that the local paper I demand rejection from is exactly where I don’t want my writing to be…if I relied on this for real $$ I would certainly give up some of the freedom I enjoy as an indie writer. Blue is blue, but my blue is mine. I think Bridget would agree. (I copied her link on the Smiths story).

      Thanks again for checking back,
      Taylor

      ps. Story about the friend we lost is coming out today…thank you for the kind words.

  2. Hmmm…. business plans. That’s what I do in my ‘other’ life. For a writer? In today’s economy?

    Let me give this one some thought….

    Sarah

    • Taylor Jamieson on said:

      Ha, ha! That’s funny Sarah! But honestly…in today’s economy if I can work from home, play with my kids every day, have virtually no overhead and get a paycheque, I will quit my ‘other’ job. Then again…I kind of do all that stuff already, don’t I? hmmmmm Back to the business plan… 🙂

      Taylor

      ps. When the royalties come in you know where to find me.

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